InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "As if"

Bertha Jorkins (rumourmonger) wrote,
@ 2009-05-03 00:17:00

What is your father, my pretty maid?
My father's a farmer, sir, she said.

What is your fortune, my pretty maid?
My face is my fortune, sir, she said.

Then I can't marry you, my pretty maid.
Nobody asked you, sir, she said.

NAME! Bertha Agnes Jorkins
nicknames Not many nicknames you can make from that, are there? Bertie, sometimes. Her sisters call her "Fattie Bertie" sometimes.

AGE! ~~Thirty~~ Seven and a half! What? It’s true! That’s how many birthdays she’s had!

BIRTHDAY! February 29, 1956.

BLOODLINE! Halfblood.

OCCUPATION! Straight out of Hogwarts Bertha had dreams of being a journalist for Witch Weekly, preferable a gossip columnist or an Agony Aunt, but the sad fact of the matter is that Bertha isn’t a very good writer. In fact, punctuation came as a revelation somewhere around fifth year and she still has trouble with basic sentence structure. They laughed her right out of the office when she brought her writing samples into the Witch Weekly main office to apply. She tried at a few more magazines and papers, even including the Quibbler, but was eventually forced to give up her journalism dreams. She just didn’t have any real writing talent.
Then eighteen and regrettably jobless, Bertha’s father Stamford decided it was time to help his daughter out. Despite her repeated claims that she was very much capable of finding a job for herself, Stamford eventually managed to get her a job at the Ministry in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. She spent two years as a gofer making minimum wage before she finally got a job as a secretary.
Now, secretary work may seem like an odd job for Bertha, but seeing as she rarely has to write anything of her own, most of her work is transcribing and dictation, a spell check charm is really enough to fix that. Also, her impeccable memory make her an excellent secretary, as she has yet to forget a single appointment or deadline and doesn’t need to write such things down to remember them.
A couple of years ago, she was promoted to Stephen Fawcett’s (head of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad) assistant. She quite likes this job, as she gets to hear all kinds of fascinating stories she can share.
She also worked as a stripper for a year or so, to pay off medical bills, but it took up a lot of her time, and she has since given that up.

FINANCE! Lower middle class. She does alright with her assistant’s salary, but were she to get fired and miss a few pay checks she would definitely be in trouble. She isn’t good with managing her money and never pays ahead or saves, so her lifestyle is very paycheck to paycheck.

HISTORY! Bertha’s childhood home was a noisy, crowded one. With five women and a man in the house hold, privacy was nothing more than a much sought after, but never found, dream and everyone was always into everyone else’s business, though none quite so much as Bertha.

Stamford Jorkins was a wizard and Georgia Rennison was an average muggle girl. Needless to say, she got quite a shock when, after six months of dating, Stamford informed her that he was a wizard. No, not a magician who does parlor tricks, as she believed for at least a month, but an honest to goodness wizard. Despite the initial surprise, the relationship continued to flourish and several months later the two married. Seven months later, Bertha was brought into the world (oops).

Bertha’s parents doted on their only baby girl unbelievably. She was spoiled rotten and given everything she could want (within reason). She was their little princess… until she turned three. In nineteen fifty nine The Jorkins had their second child, Gertrude. Bertha was furious. With all her parents attention focused on the baby, Bertha was no longer the little princess she had been. Many a time she asked if they could trade the baby in for a puppy (which, hopefully, wouldn’t be so very loud), but her parents didn’t seem so keen on the idea.

Within a year, however, Bertha had become somewhat used to the loud, disgusting, demanding little lump of flesh that was her younger sister. The real offense, however, came when she was six. By this time, another baby girl had been born. This wouldn’t have been so bad, but Stamford and Georgia moved Gertrude from her room into Bertha’s room to give the baby its own room which was, of course, an ATROCITY. It was entirely unfair in every respect. Bertha held her breath (for thirty seconds, twice), went on hunger strikes (for an hour), threw tantrums, and camped out in the yard (for two hours), but nothing seemed to work, and her privacy was lost once and for all.

By the time her third sister was born, a year after, Bertha hardly even cared anymore. The house was crowded, and there was never a moment’s peace.

To say Bertha didn’t love her family wouldn’t be fair or true. She loved them very much. She just happened to love them a lot more once she moved out of the house. Bertha’s childhood consisted of nosy parents and nosy sisters. The majority of her memories from her youth involve fighting over the bathroom, fighting over belongings, or fighting over invaded privacy. Needless to say, the four girls fought often. So yes, Bertha loves her family, but she was more than a little relieved to finally move out on her own.
Bertha now resides in a flat in London in a decent enough building in a decent enough neighborhood. It isn’t anything spectacular (certainly not as nice as she makes it out to be), but she is the only on living there and it is her very own, which thrills her to no end.

MOTHER! Georgia Jorkins, nee Rennison

RELATIONSHIP! Bertha liked her mother well enough, but found herself often fighting with her over the same things she fought over her sisters with. She also frequently got the “you’re older, you should have know better” speeches with the “take care of your sisters” responsibility frequently thrown in. Bertha was, and still is, convinced that her mother never took her side on anything and that in being the oldest sibling she definitely got short changed.

FATHER! Stamford Jorkins

RELATIONSHIP! If Georgia was the source of Bertha’s frustration inside the home then Stamford was the source of frustration outside of it. Stamford was the parent limiting where Bertha could go and how long she could stay out. He was the parent that insisted on meeting and approving of all her boyfriends. He was also, however, the most likely to loan her money and the least likely to complain when she took too long in the bathroom, so it all evened out fairly well.

SISTERS! Bertha has three – yes, three – sisters; Gertrude, Ethel, and Ruth.

RELATIONSHIP! Bertha never asked for siblings, and she particularly never asked for sisters. The more she had, the less she wanted any more and the less she liked the ones she had. Bertha’s sisters were constantly rifling through her things and invading her privacy, both out of necessity in such a small space and out of their own free will. This drove Bertha absolutely mad. As much as she loved her younger sisters, she very much despised having to be around them so often. When all of her sisters were sorted into other houses, she couldn’t have been happier.

OTHER FAMILY! Bertha has a muggle aunt and uncle and a witch aunt, and each of these have several children of their own. Needless to say, Jorkins family reunions are crowded, noisy affairs indeed. That’s about the only time she sees most of her extended family, however. She gets tired enough of her close family on their own.

BELIEFS ABOUT BLOOD PURITY! Being a half blood, Bertha obviously doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it. She considers everyone equal and thinks that blood shouldn’t matter one bit. In fact, she is so near sighted in her views on the world that she doesn’t really see just how much difference blood can make. She knows the war is being fought because some bloodist nuts think purebloods are better, but she doesn’t seem to see that being a half blood herself puts her at risk. Despite working there, she hasn’t noticed the government come under bloodist influence and continues to flounce around, running her big mouth as she pleases and drawing attention to herself, oblivious to the danger she puts herself in.

SCHOOL! Hogwarts.

HOUSE! Hufflepuff; 1975 (would have been ’74 had she not been held back a year).

BEST SUBJECTS! Divinations and Charms.

WORST SUBJECTS! Most of them. History of Magic, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Transfiguration, Potions.

ATTITUDE ABOUT SCHOOL! Bertha never really saw the point, all in all. She never studied or did her homework and just winged it on the tests. She was convinced she wouldn’t need school to be an excellent writer, and thus usually made passing marks in most of her classes, and only that because of her photographic memory for random details. She also wasn’t very bright, which didn’t help her enthusiasm for school. In fact, she was held back her fifth year. This caused her to work that much harder in her second fifth year and from then on, but she still only managed decent marks in all her classes.

HEIGHT! Five foot, nine inches. She’s rather tall.

WEIGHT! One hundred and twenty-nine pounds.

EYES! Hazel, though she says they are, “The most lovely shade of green with a bit of brown!” She also wears glasses with thick orange plastic frames that she thinks are just wicked, but are rather ugly, really.

HAIR! Long and sandy brown. Bertha’s hair is naturally wavy, but she usually fashions it into loose curls. She thinks she’s the sort of girl who can pull off any hairstyle, but she really can’t.

COMPLEXION! Bertha’s skin is average toned, though in the summer it tans easily to an olive color. It is mostly clear, with several ‘beauty marks’ on her face (they’re moles, but she calls them beauty marks). Bertha had acne issues as an adolescent, which has left a few small scars on her cheeks, but she hides them with makeup so that they are almost entirely unnoticeable.

BUILD! build Bertha is on the thin side, but not necessarily in the most attractive way. Bertha was a rather overweight youth, and though she still found herself rather pretty, she was envious of the thinner, popular pretty girls in school. She also wanted to be able to fit the latest, most fashionable clothes that only seemed to be made in smaller sizes. So, later in her life, after several crash diets that crashed in the end, Bertha finally managed to shed most of her adolescent weight. She does, however, seem to have overdone it a bit. She doesn’t have an hour glass figure so much as a wine glass figure; she’s skinny with decent sized breasts, but barely enough hips to keep her pants up without a belt. She, however, thinks she is incredibly pretty and is shocked when others do not agree.
DRESS! Bertha prefers muggle clothing over wizarding clothing, as it is what she grew up wearing and is most comfortable with. She only wears the most recent, up to date, and popular styles. Whatever she sees in magazines, she buys. She’s got a literal fortune invested in her clothes, half of which she has only worn a few times. She would rather look good than feel good, opting for too tight rather than too loose. She would put up with blisters from wearing incredibly uncomfortable stilettos if she thought they made her look good.

FIRST IMPRESSION! Bertha comes off as an incredibly curious, oblivious, curious (did I mention curious?) git. She seems rather self centered and gossipy, and also rather dim and gullible.

PERSONALITY!

FEARS! Getting old, insects, snakes.

HABITS! Bertha likes to click her nails on anything; on tables, walls, each other. She is also a notorious hair twirler; she thinks it makes her seem coy and attractive.

WAND! Unicorn hair, maple, 12 inches.

BOGGART! A giant cockroach, so she thinks. In reality, it would be herself, old, ugly, and friendless.

PATRONUS! A parrot. This is assuming she could make one, which she can’t.

ABILITIES! Her memory is damn near photographic. She never forgets a face, a name, or a detail. If you want something remembered, tell Bertha. However, if you want it kept secret, DON’T.

ROMANTIC STATUS! Single for the moment, but always looking for her next fling.

PARTNER! None. Any volunteers?

ORIENTATION! Menmenmen!

TURN ONS! Handsome, muscular, not too smart, musicians, talkative guys

TURN OFFS! Scrawny, too intelligent (so much so she can’t understand what they’re talking about), nerds, guys who talk over her

CRUSHES! Bertha changes crushes more often than she changes knickers. Some crushes last a few hours, some a few weeks, but rarely longer than that. She just doesn’t have a very good, ah, ‘romantic attention span’. At the moment, however, her current interest happens to be Herman Wintringham, at least until someone else catches her eye.

OUT OF CHARACTER!!!

MUN! Cheryl.

PB! Erica Durance.

SOUNDTRACK!
oo1 – I'm Not a Virgin Anynmore - Poe
oo2 – Light After Night – Jakalope
oo3 – Flavor of the Week – American Hi-Fi
oo4 – The Workout - Utada
oo5 - Don't Call Me Baby - Madison Avenue
oo6 - Somebody's Baby - Phantom Planet
oo7 - 40 Boys in 40 Nights - The Donnas
oo8 - Single - Natasha Bedingfield
oo9 - The Dirty Song - Cars Can Be Blue
o1o - Tango - Lady Sovereign

DISCLAIMER This is not real. This is a roleplay for

hexennacht. I do not own Erica Durance, she owns herself. I do not own Bertha Jorkins, JKR does. I do own this characterization of her. I also own all graphics unless otherwise stated. If you like them THAT much, head over to my graphics journal

iliekhow and find them there for your own use. But be sure to credit.
Or I keel j00.